last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize