right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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