what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
