A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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