This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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