Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
