to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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