the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
