My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
