yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
