I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
