Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
