My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
