thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Randomize
