Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
