I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
