I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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