i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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