i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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