I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
