So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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