When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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