shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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