Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
