worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
