If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
