We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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