i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
