I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
