I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
