He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
