my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
