Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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