life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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