we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
