He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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