Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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