The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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