I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
