he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
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Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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