you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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