38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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