So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
bring money and cleavage
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
