oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
