We won't sleep together?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
