I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
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