How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
