Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
