I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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