He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
