im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
