so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
