I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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