Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
