Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
