I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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